Been observing the effects of participating in, and also detaching from, an unhealthy habit pattern.
In this case, letting go the need to be productive all the time. Past programming says “If you lost an hour, you’re a waste of a human being and you have to make it up now or later.” Awakened new program says, “Slow down. You’re burning out on all your projects at once. Learn to say no.”
This is a concept that goes so deep that it’s nearly impossible to define using words. It is a feeling – a collection of patterns that repeat to create this offensive experience known as failure.
This experience is actually an illusion and contradictory to our nature, but when we’re saturated in the dense physical planes of reality and shrouded in suppressed feelings of anger or resentment, it becomes all we see.
I’m also getting ill. Illness is usually manifestation of some form of neglected self care. At its worst, malignant neglect of self care. For now illness is saying “hey, I have your attention. You can change course now, if you want.”
Think of clouds forming to create a fog that obscures the sun. The sun always shines (That’s real reality.) The clouds are just temporarily there. They haven’t eaten up the sun, just obscured it.