Was asked to reflect on what I want in a relationship/partnership with somebody.
This has not crossed my mind in several years. Now thinking about it – I’ve never actually bothered to take this thought seriously before.
Only in addressing it for the last month or so has it become less about “the person” and more about me.
Originally I wrote down the values and virtues I would want in another person. At some point it dawned on me – I can’t be looking for these things in other people – I must find them within me first.
And that’s where I have a lot of work to do.
I wrote down “unconditional love” as something I deeply wanted.
That means real true love without condition.
It got me thinking – Well what then if the other person is doing something that triggers some deep hurt in me? I don’t want to be a doormat for anybody to walk on. Would I think, “Oh this bothers me – but I’m practicing unconditional love right now, therefore I’ll work to ignore this for the sake of loving with no conditions.” While internally seething.
Well that is not real true love. At least that isn’t performing the self love and care that is required for things to feel right.
I realized I needed honesty and authenticity first. I need self unconditional love and respect to say to the other, “You know – that thing that you’re doing – its triggering a lot of hurt in me. Is there a way we can address this issue?”
Should work towards addressing the issue have zero effect, then the power to say, “You know – I love you – but we don’t see eye to eye. As far as relationships go – we aren’t working out.”
Having the real true love for self and “the other” to let go. Freeing ourselves in the process.